My friend and her teenage daughter- advice please!!?

My friend has a teenage daughter (16) who has been involved with drinking, staying out late, and skipping school. The daughter moved out into her own apartment, but life was difficult, and she asked to move back in. My friend has told her 'no' and pays the rent now for her daughter, though no other living expenses. She says that life at home is much calmer without her daughter there, and is asking her daughter to emancipate herself. She also never calls the girl to check up on her, from what I can see.





I feel mom is being too harsh, should i keep out of it?





P.S. another thing that bothered me was that 'mom' complained that daughter called her up in the middle of the night for a ride/place to stay because her apartment building had a fire (not in her apartment, but the doors were all knocked down that night) I felt she had no feelings...???





Also, She does not call or check up on her daughter, either...My friend and her teenage daughter- advice please!!?
I'm going to say this as nice as possible. MIND YOUR BUSINESS. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU !! You mentioned that the girl had a behavior problem, so the mum must have been suffering greatly with this child in her home. Now that she no longer lives at home the mother has peace of mind. As for the daughter, she didn't want to abide by the rules of the house, therefore she must live the way she wants AT HER OWN HOUSE. This girl needs tough love. Don't you dare think about taking this stray into your home, she will ruin your life. Again , MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!My friend and her teenage daughter- advice please!!?
Your friend is obviously at her wits end and has given up on her daughter. I too have had experience with a child (17) who would not follow rules and caused our family much pain and sorrow. This child is now, an upstanding citizen, a husband, a father of three precious little girls, a business owner, after going to college and a wonderful son .





We sought help for this problem which was to give him three choices. 1)Live at home, go to school and follow certain rules for his benefit. 2)Live at home and get a job. No staying out at night. and 3)Leave. He did not choose (1) or (2) so by default, he chose #(3). Sadly, we made him leave. He was on his own. We paid for nothing.





He got into more trouble than ever because he chose not to follow our fair family rules of not staying out all night and sleeping all day (drugs). We told him that he was welcome to come back when he decided to obey us. Finally 2 years later and being confined (prison), he came back. We stuck to our decision and he is a fine person now. My periodical son experienced the consequences of his actions but, just as God welcomes us back, he was welcomed back.





My advise. Prayer.





P.S. By providing an apartment and no adult supervision, she is providing a place for kids to come to have sex and do drugs. By not providing a place for her to stay, the daughter might realize that she needs to come home and be obedient.
The reason her daughter is probably acting out is because she had no love and attention @ home. Kids will do anything to get their parents to notice them whether its good or bad, attention is attention to a child. All the mom is doing now is just making her own life comfortable, and not worrying about the child. She thinks because the girl is having behavioral problems she can wipe her hands clean. She has a responsibility to her child as a parent. No one said raising kids was going to be easy, however that doesn't give her the right to turn her back on her. I understand ';tough love';, but I think she forgot the love part. As her friend you should speak up, because saying nothing is the same as agreeing with her.
Remember ... what you were told, is just that ... what you were told. ]Many folks don't share the whole story as it may be hurtful or embarrising .... this may just be her version of tough love to force the daughter to live her life and become self sufficient.





Stay clear and just be the friend ...... I think mother knows best this time.





Hopefully the daughter will come to give more value to her mother, the relationship between them and ';Doing it on her own'; ......





Be safe.
What your friend is demonstrating is ';Detachment with Love';. Allowing her daughter to be responsible for her choices and actions. Not condoning the choices but allowing consequences to take it's natural course. This is something you have no right to be involved in. This is a parent issue and discipline issue not a ';friend'; issue. You can be the good and concern friend you are being, but not one that butts into something that doesn't directly involves you.


Continue to be a shoulder for your friend, listen with compassion, but understand you are not in your friend's shoes and you can not walk the journey she is walking.
You can not change the way she portrays herself or the way she feels unless she sees the need to change it.





Her daughter was disrespectful toward her. She may be being tough but the daughter was wrong in the beginning to have done what she did and expect the door to swing like a saloon door after she left.





They always want to come back home after they find out that it is not as easy as they think it is.





Tough love here, at it's best. She is paying her rent. Just because she is doing it this way now does not mean she will continue to do it. She may be just putting her foot down and limiting contact it the only way to keep her from caving in and letting her daughter invade her home again before she is ready.
Stay out of it. All you really need to do is pray for both of them.


Let God do His work in them. I will pray for them, also.





God Bless You
I believe your friend is showing tough love sometimes as parent's we don't always make the right decisions but we do try. We want our children to learn that when they do something there is a price to pay. I do feel that she is being harsh and even as adults we need help every once in awhile. I am sure it is hurting your friend she is just not letting anyone see that it is hurting her inside but also there is that relief because she don't have to deal with the other things in the house and if there are other kids in the house there not picking up on there sisters behavior. I think she will come around sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before your able to pick someone back up. I wish your friends family the best and I will keep them in my prayers that everything will work out.
This is heart wrenching for me to hear. I have custody of two of my nephews because they were thrown away by their parents. It sounds as if there is nothing you can do to change this situation.


I personally cannot understand how any parent can do this to their child.


My children are blessed and have always been obedient. My two nephews on the other hand were raised around drugs and all kinds of abuse. We have caught them doing drugs, stealing, lying about it al and through much prayer and council from friends, we have continued working with them.


It has been four years now. The oldest is graduating this year and they both work after school and have become productive.





Children should never be thrown away. I've been so angry at these two, I wanted to send them to my parents, but we maintained and it's paid off.





I would have a problem with a ';friend'; who could do this.


This girl needs help, obviously her home life wasn't the best or her outlook on life would have been better, her goals more productive.


I pray for this girl and her mother.
The mother is making a sad mistake. Tough love works sometimes, but when you are still legally responsible for a 16 yr. old who is not emancipated you may come to rue the day you let her out of your home. In addition to the legal responsibilities for whatever the daughter might do, it could also be legal neglect, the daughter could be placed by social services in an environment where she will receive the supervision she needs. The daughter cannot be emancipated unless she is able to provide for her own food, clothing and shelter. If the mother is paying the rent it becomes obvious the child is not able to do this.