Advice with teenage daughter!!!!!

I have 7 children (4 are mine from my first marriage, 3 are my step children but they live with us and are just like my own). My oldest is the oldest of the bunch. She is 17 1/2. She has always been a headstrong little thing but lately she is being more headstrong than usual. And it involves a boy. A nineteen old loser with no ambition and no respect for her or anyone else. He is into drugs and drinks. We live in a very small town and there is no one here that has anything nice to say at all about him. Well, yesterday I intercepted her trying to leave work with him. She had her bags packed and had left me a note about how she would be fine and how I shouldn't worry about her and just get on with my day. Well, needless to say I put her in my car and brought her home with me. She has a job at the bank, is involved with the co-op class at school this year (she's in 12th grade) which allows her to go to school in the morning and then go to work at the bank the rest of the day. I talked with her teacher today (I called him at home) and he agreed with me that she needs to quit her job, the co-op and I am transferring her out of this school.We (my husband and I and her) have discussed the possibilities of her going into the military. She is very open to this option. We have tried everything we can think of to keep her away from this guy...surprise..it didn't work!! We even asked him over yesterday and asked him to think about her and do the best thing for her and just step back for a few months. He said no. He knows that the chances of him finding someone as pretty and smart as she is is never going to happen for him again. He is preying on the insecurities that she, as a 17 old girl has. Like I said she is so headstrong and so sure that she's ready to grow up that she is risking her entire future just to go out into the world where there are no rules. We have been strict but very fair parents. She has always lied and sneaked around to get her way instead of doing it the way she is supposed to. I beg her to do things the right way but she just wants to take and take and not earn respect or trust from us. We have 6 other children who of course aren't perfect but they seem to learn their lessons and are truly sorry when the do something wrong. She is never sorry until the full reality of the consequences are laid out in front of her. I was exactly like her but I didn't have anyone to stop me from the mistakes I made. I was pregnant at 17 and married him at 18. Her father was a total loser, drug abuser/dealer, alcoholic, he beat me...the list goes on and on. I refuse to let her make this mistake. I will not just let her go';learn her own lesson'; . I wish everyday that someone would have stopped me. I just want to know if what I am doing is the right way to go about it. I have never been in this situation as a parent before and I just want to make the right decision and not mess her life up for her even worse than if I would have just done nothing. I am at such a loss..any good, ENCOURAGING advice would be very appreciated!!Advice with teenage daughter!!!!!
Even though you are being a caring mother, I remember what it was like being 17 and my thing was BUTT OUT!! I didn't want my mom telling me what was ';best'; for me. Speaking from experience because I was like her, there is not a whole lot you can do but make her safe. Is she on birth control? She needs to get condoms, because guaranteed they're having sex. There would be no way that this 19 year old would be interested if they're not having sex. Back in my hay day when I was her age I had sex when I barely knew them. Emotions ran high and being so naive you think you're going to be with that person forever. Because you disapprove so much you are just giving her even more desire to go behind your back. Maybe she wouldn't be interested if you ';appear'; to back off a little (don't really just appear to, manipulation is a great social skill). Because to her she feels like she is the adult, she is the one in control when she defies you.





I wouldn't have her quit her job because that is a very postive thing for her. If she doesn't have a job, you're just giving her opprotunites to have more free time to sneak out and go see him. Keep her busy! Do a lot of family stuff so she is busy all the time so she can't go see him.





OR- He is overage, she is underage you could go that route. Plus he is drinking underage, and abusing drugs. Advice with teenage daughter!!!!!
Somehow I figure you have, But have you told her about your story and about your experiences? Explain to her why it is in her best intrest to not to be with this guy. Have you sat down and listended to her talk about this guy? What is that she finds so absolutely appealing, Not what do you think is it is. As much as she dooesn't want to listen, you need to make her see. Sit her down and say hey We are willing to do everything in our power to keep you on the right track, we are trying our best and we need your help. Tell her what's on your mind, what these people say about him, ask her what she really thinks of him. tell her why you feel the way you do.


Transfering her out of that school maybe the best thing, but just make sure that she understands your reasoning or it's likely she will just runaway again.


It didn't work for me, I learned from my mistakes, but thanks to the advice from my parents I got out before it was too late.
What tact are you taking when you are speaking to her about these issues? Are you pretty much just forbidding her from being with that boy? Your daughter is old enough to discuss her feelings and motivations with you. If you haven't already, I suggest you sit her down and calmly discuss her actions with her. LISTEN to the reasons why she is doing what she is doing and calmly and respectfully offer your perspective. Too many times parents, in their quest to keep their child from being hurt, do not actually have a REAL conversation with their children about the matter. Instead they just tell their children that they are not allowed to do ';this'; or ';that'; for whatever reason, without ever finding out their child's thoughts. The bad part about this is that the most common reaction of the child is to rebel because he/she feels as if his/her thoughts are not being taken into consideration, therefore his/her parents don't understand the situation, making the parents insights unhelpful.